Convo with God, aka: 2 Weeks

Its loose.

I put a shirt on this morning that I’ve not worn in a while and it’s loose. It’s not falling off or huge on me or anything but I can for real see signs that this thing is working.  Some people at worked asked about what I was doing at work today. They can’t get past the beets in my juice this morning and the spinach that awaits me this afternoon but I’m ok with that. They noticed.

I want to quit probably 5 thousand times a day and this morning is no exception. The juice is boring and it’s getting under my skin and I have this conversation with God multiple times a day and it always ends up the same way.

“Hey God.”

“Hey”

“Sooo this juice thing, I did 2 weeks. That’s enough right?

“Is it?
“Well you see… I’m really bored with it and I don’t think I can drink this juice that’s staring me in the face, the straw is taunting me God.”

“Can’t you?”

“It’s so hard! I just want to eat a cracker! Hell, I’d even eat a plain Wasa cracker. Oh... sorry I said Hell.”

“I forgive you.”

“I just don’t think I can do it God… there’s so much more time to go. I really think I’m not gonna make it, it’s to hard!”

“I asked you to be obedient.”

**sigh**

“I am your strength to ‘stick it out over the long haul’ (Col 1:9-12 MSG) ok?”

“Ok. As long as you got this – because I positively do not."

So that is my life for now. I drink my juice, turn to Him again and again, and I make it through. I’m being stretched and changed every day. Just as I am starting to see my body change I am seeing my heart change too.

I cannot wait for the day I realize I’ve stopped complaining about how hard it is. Until then, I know that He still loves me.

love. love. love

the better way...

13 days. That’s how long it took for me to look at a fast food restaurant and not want to eat the sign.

The past two days have been, I think, my hardest yet. I wasn’t juicing enough and my blood sugar levels were making themselves known. I was tired and weak and just didn’t feel great overall. All I wanted to do was go to bed.

But nooooo. I had to go to woooork. All day yesterday I just wanted to go home. I had a negative attitude, my body was hurting, I was starving and the chick who sits across from me got Philly cheese steaks from this new place around the corner and proceeded to eat them and talk about them for at least an hour.

Now, we have cubicles here at work but they’re these short stupid things that we can see and talk to each other over (see picture to the right.) This makes being on a juice fast difficult. SO needless to say, I so wanted to go home.

But I didn’t. Mostly because I couldn’t.

But I was getting on my nerves.

You see, I’d changed my focus and it was hurting me, literally. I took my eyes off the real reason I’m doing this. I changed my focus from my desire to be obedient and get closer to God, to focusing on the things I couldn’t eat, the places I couldn’t go and the funky, boring juice I’d been drinking for 12 days straight.

I didn’t come to this conclusion on my own. Nope. I went to CPR class (which was creepy and hilarious all at the same time - see picture to the left) and I got certified. I went to the grocery store with the lovely Mrs. Bear and stocked up on essentials. I went home, put the cold stuff away and went to bed.

I caught up on my “With Friends” games, spent some time on Facebook and gave myself 10 minutes to look at Pinterest before I spent some time with God. 45 minutes later my phone rang. I was lying in bed, hungry & tired and having a raging pity party but I answered it anyway.

I didn’t want to answer the phone for 2 reasons. 1) I was grumpy & 2) I knew that my BFF would ask me how I was doing and she would weasel out of me the truth (as she always does) and make me talk about what I didn’t want to talk about.

And she did.

She’s good at that. We’ve been friends for oh 8ish years and no matter how many miles are between us, she always manages to look me in my face and find out what I’m not telling her.

So we talked. She shared things going on in her life, we prayed a little and I tried to wrap up the conversation with no avail. She caught me. She reminded me why I am really doing this, gave me some insight, made me shed a few tears & gave me  a couple of God inspired passages to check out for encouragement.

By the end, I was excited again. I remembered why I went to the grocery store and came home with only fresh produce (see picture on right). She reminded me that Jesus was tempted, and He did not falter. She reminded me what the Holy Spirit had been screaming at me all day but I couldn’t hear b/c I was complaining way to loud.

If that wasn’t enough, during the course of that phone call I got messages from two other close confidants checking in on me, letting me know they’re there for me and encouraging me through this. As I look back, yesterday was chock FULL of encouragement from friends and family near and far.

All of this together plus His strength renewed every morning led to this morning’s revelation.

I watched a car pull up to the Golden Arches this morning and my first thought, my VERY 1^st thought was, “No! There’s a better way!”

My second thought was “What the what?! Did I just say that? I don’t want a bacon egg & cheese biscuit? Woah.”

And then I cried.

I cried with joy thanking and praising God for this seemingly small yet GIGANTIC breakthrough. I am (thanks to some lovely math by my personal coach through all this) over 20% of the way thorough this fast. I am 13 days in, ready for more and about to down a spinach-apple-carrot-strawberry juice and loving it.

Love. love. love.

**OLD POST** working conditions partly cloudy...

I realize that the fact that I am writing this blog while at work is ironic and at best  hypocritical however, I cannot help myself. A month and a half ago we were told we’re being let go at the end of August. Any and all professionalism and productivity was promptly tossed out the window. Not one of the windows marked with a little “T” to denote it will safely shatter in an emergency, but a solid heavy glass that shattered with sharp jagged edges and hazardous glass everywhere.

It is boring here. There isn’t much left to do, the outsourced company is picking up most our work and leaving us with little or nothing to do, as they should be. People are answering the phone with food in their mouths, gossiping loudly, complaining unabashedly, walking around doing nothing, there’s a general over all spirit of not working… oh and whistling – did I mention the whistling? You know who whistles silly little tunes? Old men.  Old men and cartoon characters and this one chick who sits behind me who won’t stop whistling no matter how many times I glance in her direction.

No one cares anymore and they aren’t afraid to show it.

I know I’m in a bit of a different situation. I am ready to leave. I am wicked excited to go and be somewhere else doing God wants me to do. I am super pumped that I will be stepping out into my calling soon and very soon… I cannot WAIT to move to England… Jesus let it come…
I also like the people who are taking over for us. I’ve met them, trained them, chatted with them, broken bread (or casserole) with them, laughed, teased and bonded with them. They are a group of hard-working, caring people. A more hard working group of folks then I’ve seen in a long while. So when people are mean or rude or derogatory towards them I wanna stand up and punch them in the throat… ;)

It’s hard for me to be here. On one hand I’m way over this and want to be done just like everyone else here. On the other hand I want to do a good job and go honorably not leaving a wake of destruction and massive clean-up behind me.  What’s a girl to do?

So I work. I come in day after depressing day and do my job. Probably not to the best of my ability but more than half I’d say. I listen to my music, keep my head down and do my job. I want to make sure I get the “re-hireable” stamp on my file when I leave… who knows when I may need to call upon the mighty giant of Colgate again the future.

And I blog. I hope to blog quite a bit more lately… we shall see… ;)